Tainted Love: The Valentine’s Day Episode
Black Girls Do Stuff Too Podcast: Episode 2
Season 01 Episode 09
Legacies: Season 1 || Episode 09 || Author: Tiffani
Another Thursday, another thoroughly entertaining episode of Legacies. I’ll be the first to admit that I was one of the many Originals fans ready to write this series off after the cluster-frack that was the Originals series finale (You killed off both of them?! Really?), but this little series that could has grown on me. I look forward to it every week and that’s saying something for me and my attention span.
So lets get into it.
The episode starts out with Landon’s maybe daddy (my prediction for this season) poking around a Triad industries warehouse looking for info on the bad ass, gold medalist diving, Seylah Whateverherlastnameis. He finds out something been knew (for about a week, but whatever): that she was once tossed into the black goop same as the other monsters of the week. Only she somehow got an early dismissal. Also, if Seylah was only in the goop for 2 years and she came out pregnant with Landon, shouldn’t he be 18 by now? And therefore no longer a ward of the state? IDK, I can’t math
Whatevs, on to Pedro!
Little cutie baby (that definitely had a growth spurt between episode 3 and now) Pedro wakes up in the middle of a dark, stormy night to tapping on his window (in a room that he shares with like 50 other kids. Is this how the other half of the school that isn’t a principal cast member lives?! I have questions). He goes over to check it out (you know like any regular 7 year old would) and finds himself face to face with La lorrona wannabe! He wakes up screaming. His roommates are very understanding.
Now we’re back with Alaric and baby Mikaelson and they’re giving us a recap of last week’s episode. Landon found his mom, Hope still remembers it even if he doesn’t, and all they’ve got show for it is an Egyptian urn. Alaric is quick wake the other students up and give them the 411 on the potential of a new monster and they’re all more upset about the fact that they still have to take their finals that week. Meanwhile, Landon’s stressing over his new girlfriend, Hope, ghosting him. And Raf, Hope’s new bff, is all:
Raf goes off to study for his exams but ends up falling asleep in the Stefan Salvatore Memorial Library.
He’s woken up by a weirdly flirty Hope. She kisses him (and note he does not stop her) and bam! He’s being getting beat by a past foster dad. Raf is scared in a way we haven’t seen (at least not since episode 1 during his involuntary exorcism), but he’s cognizant enough to notice La Llorona chilling in the background, like
She wants the Egyptian urn. Raf gets slapped with the belt and he jolts awake. That’s a lovely bruise on your arm, kid.
(Roswell commercial reminds me that I need to catch up)
Raf immediately goes to Alaric to tell him what happened. Alaric (ever perceptive about boys crushing on his adoptive daughters) notices how uncomfortable and dodgy Rafael is with Hope while she’s feeling on his dream bruise (she patches up a lot of people this ep). Anyways, he tells them about the woman asking
for her corners about the urn.
Alaric calls another assembly to update the older students (the babies got evacuated to the Lockwood Mansion). And they’re all like “Can we cancel finals now, Mr Saltzman?!” And he’s all, “Nah, gotta take them standardized tests so we can keep our accreditation, bruhs”. Resident pop culture buff MG points out that this monster is like Freddy Kruger. Alaric obviously hasn’t seen Nightmare on Elm Street because he’s all “Except whatever happens in your dreams happens to you in real life.” So, you know…..like Freddy Kruger.
He tells his students who are preparing for the finals not to go to sleep. So, you know…just like any other finals week (for me).
Landon finally gets Hope’s attention after the assembly, but she’s just as dodgy as ever. (She’s still keeping his mom’s death a secret from him). He keeps pushing and it’s at this point I’m reminded how much nicer Hope is than her parents. Both of them would’ve told Landon to kick rocks by now and then stood there looking mildly guilty while he walked off dejectedly (or at least Hayley would’ve felt guilty).
Instead, Hope tries to get Landon to evacuate with the other students, but he’s on his Jack Dawson “you jump I jump” shit and tells her that he’s not leaving.
He heads off to class and falls asleep during MG’s beautiful presentation about how Dracula and all the vampire books that followed were all inherently misogynistic (you tell it MG!). Landon jolts awake and suddenly finds himself in the middle of a final exam he didn’t study for. Then, like the basic that he his, stands up to find himself in his undwear in the middle of class. Everyone laughs while La Llorona is chilling in the back, like “Gimme my 2 dollars, B!”
He stabs himself in the hand to wake himself up. Just like his brother, he immediately heads off to find Hope and Alaric and does that thing where he tries to make a joke about how bad his life’s been.
Alaric tries to get him to evacuate, but he’s moved on to being Bella Swan now.
He pokes at Hope about how he had to stab himself with a pencil to get her attention (during finals week and under the threat of a new monster, I might add) and she’s as elusive as ever. He turns to Alaric for advice and Alaric basically tells him the same thing Rafael told him earlier: just leave her alone.
Hope heads off to the school gym looking to spar and finds Rafael. They have a cute little scene where we get clued into where Rafael’s emerging feelings for Hope stem from: she’s practicably indestructible. Anyway, he gives Hope the business about avoiding his homie and on being liar (he picked up on her keeping a secret). And she’s all “I’m keeping a secret from him to protect him” and Raf is all “that’s dumb”. Hope has that “you right, but Imma keep being stubborn” look that she inherited from her daddy.
Trying to prove his usefulness (you don’t have to try so hard, boo!) Landon hits the books and finds a clue about the monster of the week. It’s not actually La llorona, but an honery…an ornery…a “Black winged shape shifting dream demon”.
Hope brings this to the boys (because the last 3 episodes have literally been a sausage fest without the Saltzman twins and nuKatherine, Penelope Park). Landon still refuses to leave if Hope stays. Raf refuses to leave without Landon. Mg is staying because he’s
not Steve Rogers loyal to his avengers buddy, Hope. And Kaleb isn’t gonna leave his vampbro, MG (“No child left behind“). Now that that’s settled, they all set up in the gym on Lizzie and Raf’s sex mat and do something that I’ve never been able to do during sleepovers: immediately fall asleep.
Hope stands watch while they all visit their own personal nightmares. Kaleb is scared of being tortured by anti-vampire bigots (humans). MG is scared of becoming the new Stefan Salvatore a ripper. Raf is scared of his wolfish nature and his feelings for Hope and how it could hurt Landon. Landon is scared of classrooms and small spaces (and this is the crux of why I have yet to warm up to Landon as his own character. I will expand on that in a later article, prolly). All this aside, Landon’s the one to bring the demon into the real world (i think). Now Dream demon is roaming the halls, looking for Hope’s hiding place for the urn (that’s what she whispered to Landon before sending him off to dream land). Turns out, Hope lied to Landon about where she hid it (again showing Machiavellian shades of poppa Klaus). Any who…
The boys, now awake, can hear the random thumping of Dream Monster v Hope (why didn’t we get to see more of this?!), but the only thing on Landon’s mind is why Hope was Raf’s dream. (Maybe worry about the fact that ya girls missing and there’s someone obviously fighting something right above your head).
Raf lies and says she was there being a badass and in comes Hope….being a badass. The boys all prepare to give back up, but Hope is all “I got this!” (LMAO at Landon in the background with his tiny fists raised. That was cute) and immediately gets choked out. The boys stand there and watch (seriously?!), but Alaric isn’t useless, and comes in with an arrow and tells Hope to stab it through the eyes. She does, and the monster is vapor.
So that’s now:
Malivore Monsters: 1
Random Land Mine: 1
Later on, Hope bumps into Raf in the hallway and asks him what the hell is going on with him. He’s been being distant with her in the same way she’s been distant with Landon. Raf tells her that he can’t be her sounding board anymore(you know, that thing her boyfriend has been begging her to let him be for her all episode) because Landon’s his homie and he’d rather lose Hope as a friend than hurt his foster brother. He leaves Hope standing in the hallway making a face that is a mixture of both her parents. (Seriously, a-plus casting with Danielle Rose Russell.)
Landon finds her sitting in front of the infamous Salvatore fireplace (the TVD spot for pouring your heart out to the love of your life). He lets her know that whatever is going on with her, he’s prepared to fight for her. After facing his biggest fears (you know, not fitting in and small spaces), he’s no longer scared of the fact that he’s hitting above his pay grade by dating her and he’s going to work on himself for her (work on you for you kids!). Since Hope’s empathy game is on one thousand, she gives him a much deserved kiss.
Note: the kissing noises in this scene were so loud..
We end with Landon’s maybe daddy visiting the home of Hector and Maria —Landon and Raf’s former foster parents. He tries to get information about Landon’s whereabouts, but they just keep repeating that he’s been adopted by a nice family in Virginia. Because Landon’s maybe daddy isn’t dumb, he notes that they’re either be-spelled (Hope) or been compelled (by literally anyone. If Hector and Maria live in Georgia, Hope’s definitely got some very old, very adept at compulsion family members just around the corner in LA). They invite maybe daddy inside, and part of me wonders if he’s a vampire. If so…then I have to stop calling him maybe daddy and that makes me sad.
“I can’t exactly call the state accreditation board and tell them we’re canceling exams because of monsters.”
“Dracula as a novel has only retained relevance in modern times because of our patriarchal culture’s obsession with the idea of a privileged, powerful man who does whatever he wants with absolute impunity, meaning we spent weeks in this class analyzing the literary value of a character who abuses consent in every way possible.” Tell them, MG!
“You’re the one that’s going to save the day, which is really sexy by the way” Same, Landon. Same.
“You know, I couldn’t fully decide on a new hiding spot, so I just stashed it under my pillow.” ~ Hope went to the Damon school of hiding magical mcguffins. Hiding an urn under a pillow is almost just as bad as hiding a moonstone in a soap dish. Good thing the Dream Demon isn’t on Katherine levels of finding things.
“You don’t have to be so hard on yourself. At my last school, the gym teacher was dealing coke under the bleachers.” See there’s little moments where I do genuinely like Landon
” Are we alive? Did we win?” MG is adorable